You are not a disappointment. You are not a disappointment. You are not what people have called you or what you have called yourself. You are not what your father has called you. You are not what your mother has called you. You are not what the world has called you.
Stop driving around with tears in your eyes wishing you were somebody else. Go to your room and take rest. Take rest in knowing who your Father is. Is the news that your real father is the Creator of the Universe too good of news for you? Is it too good for you to believe? Listen:
Stop hanging onto words like they are sacred. Stop memorizing texts that made you feel like trash, even when you deleted them long ago. Sitting there and overthinking people’s actions, don’t you know that it’s tearing you apart and eating you alive? Look down at your wrist and see what it has done to you!
Imagine if you had a child. A little girl. Your daughter. Imagine if she came running up to you and saying “Look at me! I’m worthless. I have no value. I’m ugly and not as smart as I wish I could be. Nobody likes me and I’m annoying. I’m so selfish all the time and I wish I could stop but I can’t. My heart doesn’t beat loud enough, my head doesn’t think big enough, I say things that make me want to cut my tongue off.”
Would your heart not break? Would you immediately put her into your arms and say:
“You are beautiful. You are unique. You have infinite worth and value and mean life or death to me. You are smart. I love you. I love you. You are perfect. You are good. You are mine. Forever. You are mine. Forever. Listen closely, you are my beloved. Forever. Beyond time. Beyond any measure. You are mine. You are my beloved. You are worth it to me. You are mine.”
And in that moment, in writing that, it’s even hard for me to believe it. This is the hardest thing i’ve ever written because this is one of my greatest struggles. It is near impossible for me to not care what people think. It is near impossible for me to believe that I am my father’s beloved, no matter the earthly circumstances. But I’m here with you and we will take the truth together. Gah this is so hard.
For weeks now, it seems like every time I want to write, I have nothing to say because my mind is consumed with what other people have called me or think of me. I’ve wanted so badly to write but I have had nothing to say.
This morning, I woke up and had a gut feeling to say this. This is for both of us.
God is your father.
When He created you, He put the ocean in your eyes and called you beautiful.
Sure, He created sunsets and atoms and oceans and coral reefs and nucleuses of cells and matter all in itself.
However, He spent the most time on us.
He molded us while saying “You are altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in you.”
God makes zero, ZERO MISTAKES.
God is your father.
He is the father that gets giddy when you run towards Him.
He jumps up and down and can’t contain Himself.
He wraps us up in His arms when we are sobbing and can’t get up.
He wraps us up in His arms when we are cut and bleeding and nobody is around.
He is the father and picks you up and brushes you off and kisses your bruises after you fall from running so long.
He is the father that, no matter how many times you vomit on yourself, bathes you, washes you clean, and wraps you up in His arms.
He will never hit us.
He will never call us a disappointment.
He will love us more than He will ever be disappointed.
He expects us to fail more than we can expect ourselves to fail, yet loves us more than anything.
This is a note to you.
This is a note to say that everything that you’re thinking about yourself is false.
You are not defined by the words of the world.
You are not defined by the world’s standards.
If you’ve heard that over and over again, listen right now.
When you are in your deepest wells, the stars are always brighter.
When you are at your deepest valleys in life, God is always brighter.
He will carry you. Listen.
He will carry you.
He will love you.
He loves you.
You. YOU. You consumed His mind when he was bleeding to death on the cross.
Because YOU were worth it to Him.
You were worth death.
You were worth it.
Because you are His child. He is your family.
He will never leave you behind.
You are His beloved.
To think that it has taken me an hour to write this sickens me. Because it has taken so many pauses for me to even comprehend how much we are worth it. Every word of truth that Jesus speaks about our worth punches me in the heart. It makes my heart spill out onto the pavement and makes me wonder if something is wrong. It makes my knees weak and makes me speechless. It gives me butterflies
God knows you mess up. All the time. Every waking second. God knows you betray Him and His word all the time.
He waits for you to run towards Him anyways.
When He sees you clearing the hill, he jumps up and down.
He sees you stumbling while running towards Him, and while you’re running He screams
“I LOVE YOU. THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU.”
You scream back
“I’m coming back but it’s hard. I can’t see you!”
“I love you. THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU!”
You run and run and fall and fall and He runs towards you and swoops you into His arms.
He calls you beloved. He kisses your scars.
You are not a disappointment. You are never alone.
You are His.